Today's rumours are anti-Carnival
Arsenal's humiliation by Manchester United has convinced Ars�ne Wenger, at long last, that it's time to spend big. The Mill understands that the Frenchman was so embarrassed by what he witnessed at Old Trafford that he dashed straight from the stadium on Sunday night to splash the cash ? on plastic surgery, a name change by deed poll and a one-way ticket to Borneo.
OK, let's start again.
Having been confronted with irrefutable evidence that he does not, in fact, have the prettiest wife at home, Wenger is out on the prowl. And he didn't have to venture very far before spotting someone he fancies: The Sun says he's about to offer �10m for Chelsea centre-back Alex, whose habit of being easily brushed aside by energetic scamps such as Shane Long makes him a perfect fit for the Arsenal back-line. Other defenders still being linked with a move to the Emirates are Gary Cahill, Phil Jagielka and Lamine Sakho.
But not Scott Dann because he's on his way to Queen's Park Rangers, where he'll be joined by Shaun Wright-Phillips and the Chelsea left-back Ryan Bertrand.
Chelsea will treat themselves to a new left-back, but the bad news for Wenger is it's Leighton Baines, for whom the Frenchman had just about psyched himself up to a make a bumper bid. Now he'll have to bump it up a bit more.
Stoke City want Peter Crouch but they don't want to pay him as much as Peter Crouch wants to be paid ? but Tony Pulis won't leave Tottenham empty-handed: he'll have Wilson Palacios for company on his way back to the Britannia. Harry Redknapp will replace the Honduran with Scott Parker and then try to try to muscle in on the Gary Cahill action before making a sneaky bid for Mikel Arteta.
Roberto Mancini wants to buy another player just because he can: Roma's Daniele De Rossi will become the latest player not to go to Eastlands just for the money.
Hapless Blackburn Rovers expect Hoffenheim striker Vedad Ibisevic to sign along the dotted line today. The Mill expects him miss the paper and scrawl his signature on a jam sandwich. That's how things are going at Ewood Park at the moment.
Matin Jol hasn't grown out of his strange Cameron Jerome phase yet. More understandably, he's also trying to buy Czech full-back Zdenek Grygera from Juventus.
Internazionale have too many full-backs but helpful Newcastle United will sort that problem out by buying Davide Santon. Alan Pardew is also still pursuing Yossi Benayoun.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/29/football-transfer-rumours-arsenal-alex
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