The Republican presidential race already resembles a reality TV show, so who better than the 'star' of The Apprentice to play a part in the election of the president?
Should anyone be worried that the end ? sorry, "suspension" ? of Herman Cain's audition to be a well-paid Fox News pundit ? sorry, "Cain's presidential campaign" ? might signal the beginning of the Republican party taking this election seriously, don't worry! Just the day before Cain took to the airwaves to announce, "I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction" (the "continued distraction" being, of course, the Cain campaign), something lurched in the background, silhouetted against the horizon like Robert Mitchum in the 1955 film The Night of the Hunter combined with The Terminator, but more terrifying and unassailable. What is that, the American people cried? Is it human? Surely not ? that pouffe on top of the head could never sprout naturally from a mammal, let alone a human. Good Lord, the self-delusion radiating off it is just terrifying! Oh my God ? it can't be! Not again! Oh, but it is, it is!
Yes, it's Donald Trump, milking out an already thin franchise with even less shame than George Lucas, this franchise being, of course, "Donald Trump: Political Player". And like all adept film franchise milkers, Trump has to make only the slightest twist in the formula to kid himself that this latest contribution to his life's oeuvre was a necessary new addition. Trump ? a man whose political nous was last employed in April when he announced to the world's press that he was "so proud of myself" for having forced President Barack Obama to produce his birth certificate to prove black people can, amazingly, be born in America, too ? will moderate the Republican debate on 27 December.
Not everyone has been elated with this announcement that the "star" of The Apprentice is to play some kind of part in the election of the president. "It's officially a reality television Republican primary now," groused the New York Times. A columnist in the Washington Examiner wailed that it "trivialises, indeed demeans, everyone involved" beneath the heading, "This is How We Choose a President?" Presumably that classic American rejoinder, "Really? Really?!", didn't look as good on the page as a headline. Even some of the Republican candidates have expressed, shall we say, doubts, with Ron Paul fuming that "the selection of a reality television personality to host a presidential debate ? is beneath the office of the presidency and flies in the face of that office's history and dignity." Yeah, but, like, have you seen how he says "You're fired", Ron? Who needs the Founding Fathers when you have that shizzle?
To be fair, these comments came before "Donald Trump, entrepreneur" gave an interview to MSNBC on Monday morning in which he described Jon Huntsman as a "joke candidate", as opposed to the very serious potential candidate Trump was last spring when his repeated hints at a possible presidential run happened to coincide with promoting the latest series of his reality show. Thrillingly, he also suggested he was no longer feeling quite "so honoured" about his birth certificate triumph because he is, once again, not all that convinced of its authenticity: "Whether or not [Obama] was born here, you know, to me it means something, I guess it doesn't mean a lot to a lot of people," he bellowed with typical humility. Doubtless hearing Trump then proceed to speculate about Obama's mother's birth plan has since changed cynics' minds about the becoiffed one's political qualifications.
"Sure, why the fuck not?" asked New York-based website Gawker when the announcement came through of Trump's upcoming kingmaker role in the debate, and I agree. After all, even aside from Trump already somehow establishing himself as a GOP playa, with Republican candidates and non-candidates alike coming to New York to kiss his ring, this election has long since become a reality TV show, with its endless TV debates, beyond-parody gaffes and, yes, joke candidates. Much of the GOP race so far, and Cain's candidacy in particular, has been the inevitable result of a game kickstarted by Sarah Palin, in which having no experience and, by extension, no knowledge, are presented as political qualifications, bringing a decidedly X Factor element to proceedings. Moreover, when a candidate has to exit the race, not because he has no knowledge about foreign affairs but because he's been accused of a long-term consensual affair, it's pretty hard to accord the race with much more respect than your average episode of The Apprentice.
So it's not that the race is actually a TV show that's the problem, it's that it's the wrong show. Put simply, The Apprentice sucks.
To liven this deadening race up a little, here are some alternative TV suggestions that might tell us more about the candidates as opposed to Trump's outsize ego.
Popular gameshow in the US, predicated on bullying the overweight contestants. This could be adapted so that the candidates bully the populace, demonstrating their total lack of compassion with statements such as recommending that the "stupid" child labour laws should be repealed (Newt Gingrich), and that gay people do have equal rights because they can have heterosexual marriages (Michele Bachmann). A tough game to win with this crowd!
The Simple Life
The repulsively wealthy candidates, such as Mitt Romney ($250m), live among America's poor and try to explain why they should vote for them and keep rich people's taxes low. What larks!
America's Got Talent
Hell, if Trump can get involved, why not Cowell? Each of the candidates has to stand on a stage and audition in front of a table of judges with increasingly ridiculous performances and cringeworthy mistakes. Oh, wait a minute ? I think we already do that with the debates. Well, get Paula Abdul involved and then we're sorted.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/dec/06/host-republican-debate-donald-trump
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